you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
