I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
