My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
