It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
