What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
