Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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