I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
