it hurts more in the daytime
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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