So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
