She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
