I puked a lego.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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