I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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