That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
