The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
