Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
