i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
