I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
