so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
