I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
