Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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