i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
