Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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