what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
