Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
