he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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