the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
