Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
