He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
