I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
