I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
