I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
