Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
