Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
