i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
last night I used snow as a chaser
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