im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
