just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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