My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
