I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
