benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
