I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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