Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
