She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
