when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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