dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dignity is for republicans.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are a genius and a whore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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