So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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