toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
