...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
