very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
