i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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