I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
