yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
